I guess this blog shall be my private blog then. Don’t think I need to lock this up, since I don’t think anyone is gonna remember my wordpress anyway since everyone is gonna remember my tumblr.
Why are things so complicated nowadays? As the days pass, I feel more and more inferior to people around me. When I was in track, at least I still got something to boast about to people, but now, there’s nothing I can talk about. Not that I wanna boast, but I need something to provide myself with self-confidence and something for me to be proud of too.
I’m not smart, I can’t play musical instruments, I can’t sing, I’m not good looking, I’m short and I don’t even have the balls to confess to the girl I like. So what if I’m good in sports? First of all, I’m not even THAT good like Jabez Su, in fact, I think I’m like average only.
I really really really miss the old days back in Cat High. I’ve been taking my life over there for granted when I was there and now I’m regretting that I didn’t make use of my time over there. Despite all the shit that we do and all the punishments we received, we’re close, and we have nothing to worry about except for studies and our sports. Now, I have to worry about my image. FUCK IT, I JUST WANNA BE MYSELF.
I can’t even speak the way I used to, because some girls just think that it’s too mean and crude. I can’t behave the way I used too, because there are girls around and it’s too unglam. I can’t even do the things I love such as running on the track alone, because people will think that I’m “acting.” I need to tolerate certain fucked up shit and stupid comments by people when in Cat High, I’ll just ask that guy to STFU and GTFO. And list goes on…
I just wanna rant now because I’m feeling extremely irritated and frustrated. Have you had the feeling when you feel like crying but you can’t? I want to cry all my thoughts out, but I can’t, not because I don’t want to, but I just can’t. My body somehow prevents myself from crying.
Seriously, if time could be turned back, I would like to go all the way to the start of 2010 and go to a fucking poly. All these unnecessary issues are preventing me from performing.
And do you know how much it hurts when I see you getting close to other guys, even though they’re your “bros”? Do you know how much I wanna hug you, and tell you that I’ll be here for you? Do you know how much I wanna hold your hand?
No you don’t, and I don’t think you care too.
